Tight Spot

I feel trapped sometimes. Mom somehow has to come up with like $4000 by June 14th or something (for Daphne's dress & some debt), and now that the house isn't going to be sold by then, this puts her in a tight spot. I have $200, which I was HOPING to save for when my bridesmaids dress comes in, and saving the other $60 for any alterations that will have to be done on the said dress. Mom only has $220 to pay for gas, groceries, smokes, and Gary's calling cards for THREE weeks (neither of us get paid for three weeks, due to our stupid boss not paying us every two weeks like a fucking normal boss). I really feel like an ass for not just giving my mom the $200 I have, but at the same time if I give this money to her, that sets me back even more on my saving plans. UGH. WTF WTF WTF. Thinking about money makes me feel so pissed off, I just want to scream.

Sudden Realization

Well, Nate's been looking around for a job, and this morning he had a interview at some place (for security), but since he figured he wouldn't get it, he went and applied at MapleLeaf...and actually got hired there instead. I'm really happy and proud of him, even though he didn't sound enthusiastic about it at all. The way I see it is, with both of us working, there's a better chance of getting to see each other soon. <3
However, I just realized a few minutes ago, that he works on all the days that I have off...and he works night shift, whereas I work a normal day shift. So, getting to actually talk to him is going to be even more difficult. I guess it will be fine though, I know I'll miss him a lot, since I'm so used to talking to him so much everyday, but I'm just glad that he's got a job now.

Not Cool

Hm. Well, I'm kinda frustrated. I got paid, and was like "Woo! Now I have money to get a haircut, and buy a new brush, and a new shirt for work..." you know, a bunch of little things that I need to do for myself, and with some money left over to get mom something for Mother's Day. Then dad mentions that the phone is going to get cut off...and the satellite and internet probably too...so of course, I feel bad and give him almost all the money from my paycheque. Was this the best idea? I don't know. I feel bad that my dad is probably going into debt, and I'm not really doing much to help. But I shouldn't worry about this so much, even if I was working full time, what I would be able to give him to help out still wouldn't be very much.

Anyways, I guess that's why I'm frustrated. Also, that I don't really get to use the money I'm getting paid, at all. And this was stuff that I've been needing for a long time, but put it off when I get paid because other things are more important (except the N64 and WCIII, but at that time dad owed me a bit of money, which would have covered the stuff I needed..) BLAH. Now I feel like crying before work. NOT COOL.

Work is going okay I guess. I need to keep reminding myself before I go in that everything will be fine and as long as I try my best that's all that matters. So basically, trying to be positive about it. I know today I really need to think like that, since it's Saturday and things are going to get pretty busy and overwhelming for me.

Anyways, this is my strange rant thing I guess.