I mentioned yesterday that I'd found some interesting things while I've been cleaning/organizing my bedroom and tossing out junk that I'll never really use/need. Maybe this is why I have so much stuff in my room, but anything that has even the slightest bit of sentimental value, I just can't bring myself to throw out (Hell, or anything cute, or anything that just might come in handy somewhere down the road). Such as a movie ticket from the first Harry Potter movie (I was SO excited, you have no clue. I still get that way each time I line up to see each of the new movies), a penguin notepad, old school binders...
Anyways, so I was digging through the boxes in my closet which I haven't really looked at since we moved to Dawson Creek a few years ago (was it 2 or 3 years? I can't remember!) and found a whole bunch of awesome treasures! Some old Barbies that belonged to my mom, a Little Bo-Beep tin with sheep on it, some foreign coins that I found in the fountain at Hythe when I was around 10, an Aqua tape, my old photo album...the list goes on and on.
Speaking of that photo album, I always thought the title "You Must Have A Lot of Friends" was really ironic, as I never really did. I've had 3 good friends since I was 10, the rest of the people I knew were just school mates. They never really talked to me unless they had some ulterior motive, like asking if I knew where my dad kept the answers for his tests and whatnot. So no, you evil photo album, I don't happen to have a lot of friends! Just shut up, okay?! I'm not sure if you can tell by the size of the picture here, but I'd written "Can't you tell?" underneath the title, very sarcastically I might add. I can almost see the sarcasm seeping off that page...ick!
I have to say though, the coolest thing was my moms old Barbies. There was even a bag full of the clothes that she'd made for them, and I think one store bought Barbie coat. It was just really cute, and now I can see why my mom is always big on buying me collector dolls and collector barbies still. She secretly still loves them just as much as she did when she was a kid. She was also very excited when I showed her the barbies, and told me about making some of their dresses to match actual dresses she owned. Very cute!
Unfortunately, with digging through old stuff, you also dig up old memories. Looking through the pitiful photo album made me remember how much of a loner I was back in school, and how depressed I always.
Even an old keychain brought back really painful memories from when my parents were splitting up. I remember it like it was just yesterday (isn't it annoying that we remember the bad things so well, but we can't always remember the good things?). Every three years, my dads school took a group of grade 9 students on a trip (students that could afford it, that is), and one year they'd gone to Europe. My dad bought a beautiful heart keychain in Budapest and gave it to my mom, and she'd had it on her keychain ever since then. A little while after my mom had moved out, she came by the house one day, and as she was leaving she gave me the keychain and told me to keep it for her.
I really didn't mean to, but I burst out crying right there in the driveway. I couldn't help it. I didn't want my mom to feel bad, I knew she already felt horrible about leaving us kids, even though she only lived an hour away. I cried and cried, so hard. How pathetic it would have looked if anyone had seen. I must have been around 18, standing in my parents driveway, crying my eyes out in the middle of the day for everyone to see.
I still feel horrible when I think about that day. I feel sad because even after all these years, I don't like the fact that my parents aren't together. And I feel upset at myself for crying like that and making my mom feel even worse. Ah, but such is life. I know it's in the past, and I can't dwell on it forever. But, even though I'm trying to downsize on my stuff, I can't bear to throw something like this keychain away. I don't think I'll ever be able to.
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