So, I'm jealous of some woman I don't even know. -_-;; I know I don't have a reason to be, but I am!
Nate went out for coffee (or whatever..) with his mom, and when he comes back he says he loves his moms friend. As soon as he said I was just like :( even though I know he doesn't really mean it in that way. But still. Would he love me more if I was smarter? I don't know why, but I feel like crying. (His username is Dramatic Polar Bear, I'm Cookies Plz)
[15:51] Dramatic Polar Bear: Back.
[15:51] Cookies Plz: brb.
[15:51] Dramatic Polar Bear: -Licks-
[15:51] Cookies Plz: I just noticed, there's mail stuck outside. rofl
[15:52] Dramatic Polar Bear: I love my mom's friend.
[15:52] Dramatic Polar Bear: She's so smart.
[15:52] Dramatic Polar Bear: She's going for her masters.
[15:52] Dramatic Polar Bear: She knows alot about our culture.
[15:52] Dramatic Polar Bear: And iunno, she's just smart.
[15:55] Dramatic Polar Bear: The people here seem very oppressed.
[15:57] Cookies Plz: You love your moms friend? QQ
[15:57] Cookies Plz: Going to make popcorn.
[15:58] Dramatic Polar Bear: Movie's done??
[15:58] Cookies Plz: Ya.
[15:58] Cookies Plz: brb tho
[15:58] Dramatic Polar Bear: I admire her.
Nov 27, 2007
Nov 12, 2007
Pokeballs, woo!
Some pokemon stuff, cause it's kinda cool to see what they end up being, even though I don't know about any of the new pokemon stuff. Rofl.
Oct 26, 2007
Just some thinking.
Two entries in such a short period of time! Is the world coming to an end?!
I was actually just looking back at the last few entries, and they made me kind of sad. It made me realize, I've had less ups than downs in the past year and a half (or maybe it just seems that way since I focus on the negative things more than I do on the positive ones). The most positive thing in my life during this time, has been my relationship with Nate. There is no doubt about this at all. Even before we started dating, he didn't mind listening to me babble about all my problems when I didn't feel like I had anyone else who would listen. He has almost always been there for me, even though times haven't been the greatest to him either. He has always been so amazingly supportive of me, and completely understanding, even during rough times. I can honestly say, I don't know what I would have done without his support.
So, the last year and a half = not so good. And some of it, was from my own stupid mistakes, I admit it. I never should have stayed with Andrea, especially when I had bad feelings about it to begin with. I should have made myself go to work more often, even if I felt scared sometimes. I should have spoke my mind more often to dad after mom left.
There are a lot of things, I could have done differently. And a lot of things other people could have done differently. If I could, I would like to change a lot of things about the last year and a half.
I would have stood up to dad more often, and told him "NO! I don't want to spend another lonely weekend by myself while everyone else is out doing their own stuff." I should have just told him that I hated it when he would drink, and that it really bugged me, especially after the stuff that happened in the summer. Maybe I should have initially moved in with mom when she asked. I should have MADE dad take me to the doctor when I was sick and could hardly move from my bed for days. I should have told him that I hate Sharon, and that I hated how he spent every free moment of his time talking with her/being with her. I should have told him that I hated how he spent his money, and my money going to see Sharon, instead of paying for house bills. I should have told him how depressed I felt being stuck by myself all the time, and that I hated how everyone was taking advantage of how nice I am.
I guess, this is mostly a rant, that leads to how much I still hate dad. I don't even feel bad to say it. I hate my dad. I really tried not to, I felt bad about it to begin with, but I don't anymore. I have NO respect for him whatsoever. I dread talking to him, because it feels like nothing good can come from it.
Maybe I'm being selfish, and was being selfish then too, I don't know. Is it so wrong for me to have wanted someone to talk to me, other than to tell me to clean, or to ask for money to pay for bills (which didn't get paid even when I gave him money for them)...I just, hate him.
I was actually just looking back at the last few entries, and they made me kind of sad. It made me realize, I've had less ups than downs in the past year and a half (or maybe it just seems that way since I focus on the negative things more than I do on the positive ones). The most positive thing in my life during this time, has been my relationship with Nate. There is no doubt about this at all. Even before we started dating, he didn't mind listening to me babble about all my problems when I didn't feel like I had anyone else who would listen. He has almost always been there for me, even though times haven't been the greatest to him either. He has always been so amazingly supportive of me, and completely understanding, even during rough times. I can honestly say, I don't know what I would have done without his support.
So, the last year and a half = not so good. And some of it, was from my own stupid mistakes, I admit it. I never should have stayed with Andrea, especially when I had bad feelings about it to begin with. I should have made myself go to work more often, even if I felt scared sometimes. I should have spoke my mind more often to dad after mom left.
There are a lot of things, I could have done differently. And a lot of things other people could have done differently. If I could, I would like to change a lot of things about the last year and a half.
I would have stood up to dad more often, and told him "NO! I don't want to spend another lonely weekend by myself while everyone else is out doing their own stuff." I should have just told him that I hated it when he would drink, and that it really bugged me, especially after the stuff that happened in the summer. Maybe I should have initially moved in with mom when she asked. I should have MADE dad take me to the doctor when I was sick and could hardly move from my bed for days. I should have told him that I hate Sharon, and that I hated how he spent every free moment of his time talking with her/being with her. I should have told him that I hated how he spent his money, and my money going to see Sharon, instead of paying for house bills. I should have told him how depressed I felt being stuck by myself all the time, and that I hated how everyone was taking advantage of how nice I am.
I guess, this is mostly a rant, that leads to how much I still hate dad. I don't even feel bad to say it. I hate my dad. I really tried not to, I felt bad about it to begin with, but I don't anymore. I have NO respect for him whatsoever. I dread talking to him, because it feels like nothing good can come from it.
Maybe I'm being selfish, and was being selfish then too, I don't know. Is it so wrong for me to have wanted someone to talk to me, other than to tell me to clean, or to ask for money to pay for bills (which didn't get paid even when I gave him money for them)...I just, hate him.
Ghostbusters Chat Log
And now, just because I find it cute, here is a conversation Nate and I had while watching Ghostbusters...Enjoi pls.
Oct 1, 2007
Jun 1, 2007
So..Tired..
Ugh. I'm so annoyed this morning. I got tired around midnight, and was going to go to bed, but everyone goes "No, you should stay up and talk to me!", or "Aw but I'll be bored playing WoW without someone to talk to!" blah, blah. So I say that I'll stay up until 1, which isn't a big deal because I wasn't exhausted or anything. So a little after 1 I crawl into bed. Not even 10 minutes later, there's a weird sound outside and the dogs keep barking on and off for a few minutes. So I get up and kick the dogs out of my room, then try to go back to sleep. It takes me FOREVER to actually fall asleep, then I end up waking up a few times in the night...I dunno why, but it's annoying anyways.
Then around like 6:30 in the morning, the dogs start scratching on my door because they're hungry, so I get up again and feed them, let them outside, then crawl back into bed. At 7:13 the phone rings, but by the time I get out of bed and see who it is (Uncle Keith) its already gone to the answering machine. So I get back into bed and kinda fall back asleep...he calls back like 10 minutes later. I answer the phone, tell him dads at Sharon's....crawl back into bed. I sleep pretty good until about 9:30, when the phone rings AGAIN...a friendly reminder that they're going to shut off the phone. And by now I'm too annoyed to even try going back to sleep. I swear it's like this every night, and I wake up feeling annoyed and exhausted. Why can't everything just STFU and let me sleep for once?
Then around like 6:30 in the morning, the dogs start scratching on my door because they're hungry, so I get up again and feed them, let them outside, then crawl back into bed. At 7:13 the phone rings, but by the time I get out of bed and see who it is (Uncle Keith) its already gone to the answering machine. So I get back into bed and kinda fall back asleep...he calls back like 10 minutes later. I answer the phone, tell him dads at Sharon's....crawl back into bed. I sleep pretty good until about 9:30, when the phone rings AGAIN...a friendly reminder that they're going to shut off the phone. And by now I'm too annoyed to even try going back to sleep. I swear it's like this every night, and I wake up feeling annoyed and exhausted. Why can't everything just STFU and let me sleep for once?
May 9, 2007
Am I wired wrong?
Or maybe I'm missing some parts? I guess something is wrong with me. Why can't I do things normal people do? I always fuck things up. And I just can't help it. I'm a mess. I'm so tired. I don't even like to do anything anymore, it all just makes me angry.
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